Back

I am back the truth is that I never left but nenes sometimes am not in the best of moods with everything that is going on and I rather not write.  Because I know if I write I will just put negative stuff and is not fair, since I know one day I will look at this and laugh and thank God for showing me the way. 

To my friends I never forget all of you that come and look at my blog some call me and some text me but the truth is that at times I don't want to talk, am tired of thinking why how when and so forth.

Nenes we are half way in the summer is being good can not complain after all you guys are with me.  Last weekend you guys went to see baba and had a good time which is what matters although nenes I miss you guys like crazy..I think I would not be able to stop seeing you guys for more than 5 days in a row, I can not lie last weekend was a tough one.

Samia you are getting so big and as you grow you become more sweet than ever, I know you understand allot of what is going on but you are afraid and at times rather don't ask, but nena like I always tell you it was not your fault and we love you too too much.

Milo you are my challenging girl but I love it I see myself so much in you, i love how you can go from being so mad to telling me I am the best mami in the whole wide world.  Milo you are also aware to some extent of what is going on but my princess Ariel like you want to be called lately is not your fault you.  The only thing you makes us feel is love for you and we love hearing your endless stories, I think I should call you Radio Mambi boy Milo can you talk up a storm.

Amir you are our lover boy, you get so much love from this three girls you love to make us laugh and dance for us.  Amir I hope you don't stop dancing you have great moves and rhythm and like we say in my country a guy that can dance has a great advantage with the girls.  Amir you love being outside without shoes just being a wild country boy.  You are not much of an eater but you love to drink juice and the last couple of weeks have gotten very tall.  Amir you remind me allot of Milo when she was your age.

Now a little bit about mami nenes, so you can see what mami is up to this days.  She has sad and happy days although every time I see the three of you and the ones around me that help me in my darkest day this is how I feel:

I feel happy that I had three beautiful children healthy, that I know I did everything I could to save my marriage that I was taking for a fool that I trust it with my eyes closed and that even after finding every hing out I was willing to give it a try so I feel happy that Abu and Abuelo made a good person out of me that even though things are very difficult between me and baba I don't hold a grudge against him that I can only pray for him and his wrong actions.  That although he paints a different picture of me deep inside him he knows how wrong he is, and nobody knows what he goes thru everyday since faces we see but hearts we can not see.

The most important things are the kids and they are getting the best of the worlds.

Water and Bikes

Well the summer is really here, lately we go to swimming classes everyday and today Samia starts her bible school camp.

Milo this is your first year in swimming and I am very happy so far with your results the truth is that your independence amazes me everyday.  You can be so outgoing and ready for action at all times, there is no such a thing as being scared for you.  In so many ways you remind me of me as a little kids.

Samia this is your second year in swimming and as always you are doing great you are even good at doing back curls is so nice to see you jump and swim back with no help. 

Amir you are my little country boy anything that is with no shoes and outside you are up for it, you actually cry when I bring you back inside.

As far as me I am making it, the truth is that everyday it gets easier, the only thing I still have a hard time is how somebody can change so much, someone that everything was haram becomes so liberal well people change and with change come surprises.  The only thing I know is that God took care and is taking care of me as I type this.

Samia you being practicing in the bike that we got you, is not easy but I know by the end of the summer you would be an expert.

This journey

Well nenes things have being fun around here, we went to the pool the other day we ate watermelon, typical summer activities.  

Is very hot outside so I try to keep you guys entertain here at home although is not always easy.....it usually ends up in a fight either Samia you get offended because Milo push you, or Milo you tend to harass Amir and his best defense is a little bit of hair pulling.

I just love that combination of chain reaction one hits and the other follows, although Milo you are usually the aggressive one here at home so am kind of glad that Amir is giving you a taste of your same medicine.

This Thursday they would go with baba, nenes this is always a big deal specially for Samia.  Samia for some reason you make this whole show about not wanting to go; however I will venture to say that a couple of minutes after, we make that very painful exchange you are okey.  Is amazing how life has change nenes the truth is that not in hundred years I though this would happen.  Sometimes I think if someone would had predict this a year ago I will had literally laugh in their face, but I guess in a year I will see myself and I will realize how far I had gotten in this journey.

When my problems started I always though that God was teaching me how to control my nerves, mainly because of the kids, nenes I know God put this in my way for a good reason I know there is something out there better for us.  In so many ways like we say in spanish "No hay mal que por bien no venga"

About baba nenes just remember he is a good man and he might had gotten lost along the way but God one day would show him is not for us to judge him.  Sometimes it takes years to realize that we made mistakes and we approach situations the wrong way.  Nenes one day you would learn from this experience learn that we finish every journey before we start a new one.  Nenes is not okey to run away we confront our problems no matter how painful they can be.  And most important of all the TRUTH even if that means hurting others and ourselves, always remember that the truth is a gift that we owe those that we love.  And after all, lies have a very short life span, eventually they all crumble and the damage is greater.  Nenes we would make it, I just know that with the help of those around us, one day we would not cry anymore but instead we would laugh and thank God for everything that we learn in this painful journey.

The Unknown

Yes that is how I feel.  Sometimes I look around me and I feel everything that is happening is surreal: how, when, why????? the questions all have an unknown answer.  The only thing I know is that I am home with my 3 nenes everyday trying to do my best.  

Samia you wonder allot this days you don't know what is going on and I can sense a feeling of uneasiness when it comes to separation, you are so afraid that I am going to leave you.  The other day you were crying asking me if I was going to leave.  Nena always remember that what happen was not your fault nor your sister or brother.  One day you will get an answer and at that moment I might know as well what happen.  

Today has not being an easy day it was a call to reality that nothing is real that words are shit (yes nenes actions speak louder than words, always remember that).

Hoy tengo rabia tengo sentimiento me pregunto como cuando por que que paso si me quede dormida y me movieron la cama.  Solo me acuerdo de las mentiras de los enganos y de que aunque es duro estar sola con los tres ninos en un lugar sin familia se que un dia las cosas seran diferentes y que Dios me llevara por este camino.  Que lo que tenia por marido era una falsa.  Que una persona que se puede desprender de sus hijos tan facil no merece nada de concideracion.

Days go by the summer is here so I am home with the kids most of the time...nenes is not easy but trust me I try my best to make it as enjoyable as possible.

 Milo the other day we were playing with your hair saying you were tangled and you had so much fun while I fix your hair and made it straight.

We had fun playing with the hose.

Oh Samia you being practicing your alphabet and learning how to drive a bicycle, hopefully I can buy you one soon.

We are not moving anymore hopefully we can stay in the house, nenes I think a new house would be too many changes.  I am hoping you can also do swimming this summer like last year.

Samia's Pre-K Graduation

Yes nena today you graduated from Pre-K I was so excited to see you finish your school year.  I had the pleasure to see you sing and walk and get your diploma it was just us four the circle of love Mami, Samia, Gamila and Baby Amir like we call him.  Baba did not make it, but I just want you to know you did great you sang so pretty and you were not embarrass at all, the whole week we had being talking about you singing and you did great like I know you would.

You look so pretty with your gown and hat I could had just eat you with kisses my love.

Nenes lately we are doing better still hard not having baba in the house but we are finally realizing that is just us in this house, we would not move we would stay in our house is only fair at least we don't have more changes in our lives. 

Samia you are growing very fast, a little of talking back but is normal and mami knows how to  handle you.

Milo you are a bit hyper more than usual, but I think you are just getting used to all of these changes is not easy on you guys but like I always say we are together.  Milo you are also becoming very very talkative and I love it the truth is that I see allot of me in you, maybe that is why you drive me against the walls at times, but I love that challenging personality keeps me in check.

Amir you are my dare devil although very attach to me I think you are just so used to seeing me that your whole world is mami and mami and mami.

Eyes ~ Hand ~ Feet #4

Yes is that time again.  Amir the last time I did this you were just a 13 week old baby.

Nenes things have change allot since that last time but one thing you can all be sure of is that:

I still love those hands, feet and eyes everyday I make sure I admire them and I always find something new, those eyes are always expressing me new things, those hands are always teaching me new things, those toes are always tickling me. Oh and this time I only did one hand and feet is kind of hard trying to get the two....sorry my loves.

The first time I did this in February 19, 2009 what did I see then:

Innocent Eyes

Clumsy hands

Tender feet

 

The second time I did this was in December 21, 2009 what did I see then:

 

Tender eyes
Curious hands
Beautiful feet

 

The third time I did this was in May 26, 2010 what did I see then:

 

Curious Eyes

Mischievous Hands

Ticklish Feet

 

Today I see:

Comfort Eyes

Loving Hands

New Feet

Outdoors

Nenes not much change for us at home.  On the other hand we being doing allot of going out and having fun, enjoying this nice weather.  We have spend many days outside, either in our yard or at the park.  Today we met our good friend at the Zoo, she had so much fun seeing you guys how big you had gotten.  Nenes Ms. Stacey has known you since you were born Samia you were 9 months and Milo and Amir since you guys were babies.

Baba ni se diga en su vida descojonada un dia una cosa otro dia otra pero que se le hace, todos tenemos una razon por la cual actuamos asi.

One day this week I decide to take a picture at what each of you nenes were doing at the same time.

Samia you were lounging in Milo's bed under her leaf canopy.

Amir you were going in and out of the empty pool.

Gamila you were lounging in the ottomans just being silly girl.

Tomorrow is mother's day although things are not like expected I have the most important thing in my life and that is you nenes.

Samia today you made us laugh so much at the zoo every time you saw some weird animal you would say something like "Mami is that animal from your country" Oh nena we could not stop laughing. Oh nena another new activity we have since baba left is TV night we usually do that Friday and Saturday night. Your famous quote when you watch TV is "I can sleep while I watch TV" not sure how you do that, but that is your theory.

Milo today you decided to pose for your pictures, it was so funny seeing you posing.

Amir you had a blast trying to climb into every single object in your way.

Another week

What can I say that everyday it gets easier.  Is amazing how we learn to cope with situations, everyday is a new start for me.  I  have to be thankful to so many people around us that has  help me and the nenes through this tough times.  Nenes Abu would always say God closes a door but opens a window.

Our days are full of fun always going out to friends house, dinner, park etc.  Nenes I am so proud of you guys there is always something to laugh at is just amazing Gracias papito Dios.

The other day we were going out and since we have do not have anybody to take a picture of us I though this could be the easiest and coolest way to do it.  Milo you were in charge of the light, Samia and Mami in charge of Amir and Mami in charge of the camera...Thank you guys like I always say my little cool helpers.

 Samia you have become my major helper you take so much are of Milo when mami has her hands full with AMir thank.  Milo always remember Samia always took care of you.

This is at our friends birthday dinner. The girls enjoy her so much and I have thank her.

And this are my three crazy kids at bath time which lately has become a cool time lots of splashing and playing ball.

Baba comes around and tries to spend time with you guys which is helpful and Inshallah would eventually make things easier on you guys.

Easter Weekend

The weekend was superb.  We had so much fun, egg hunts, dinner, picnic I could had not ask for better.  On Friday we went to an egg hunt/birthday party like always I have no complain you guys are mami's best buddies.

On Friday night mami came back home and we just play our silly games, nenes we have a routine everyday about an hour of crazy dancing, Milo your dancing skills have improve so much and Amir you are just a natural dancer.  Every time you hear a beat you star shaking like no tomorrow.

At night we had so much fun with some friends they invited us to eat out with them and then we came home to play some cards and just have fun.

On Sunday we started our day by going to eat breakfast at Starbucks, it was funny I was the only mami with chidlren in there.  Nenes you guys did so good.  I had so much fun with you guys, then we were going to church but it was so f ull there was just no way I could had make it to service with you three standing up.  As you guys get older we could do that.  Afterwards, we went to get our groceries then we went to the park for a picnic.  I could had not ask for more we had so much fun playing in the monkey bars, the swings, I hid some eggs and you guys found them.  Amir you even went in the egg hunting.  Nenes  thank you for helping be a better person everyday.