New Blog

I have decided to change my blog name so if you want to follow me here I am:

Samgamami 

http://samgamami.wordpress.com/

Party, hugs and love

The other day we had a little party at John's Maw maw house ( for those that are not from Lousiana this means grandmothers)

Is actually funny the first time I heard people saying maw maw or paw paw I was like what the heck, then I was informed it mean grandmother and grandfather, is actually a pretty word.  The nenes had a blast running around is a huge family actually John was able to take a 5 generation family pictures pretty impressive, is sad that by having my children so old I would not be able to have something like that.  

I know nenes you never got to meet Abuelo and am not sure if we are ever going to have the chance because Abuelo is being very sick he had heart surgery but has not being able to rebound, as I write this Tio Cesar is with him taking care of him and I being able to see him and he has being able to send me a couple of messages is just so sad seeing papi like that, I just pray to God not to let him suffer any longer.

Amir you love spending time with John the truth is that it scares me at times I guess because am used to the girls and the only thing I see them is wanting to be with me, I never knew nor did I imagine boys are so different.

I love the hugs you give oh and the kisses you blow!!!!

Ice Cream making

The days are so so so Hot, the truth is that I can not wait for school to start is just imposible to keep the kids entertain outdoors is more of a torture to all of us.

The other day I decided to make ice cream with them they just love it, they had so much fun making it and then eating it.  I actually tasted and I was impress by the flavor no wonder people have ice cream making machines.

The ingredients are none and it takes no time and you make and you eat I think we made about 4 batches the whole day.

My little man

My little man that is the love of my life and would always be.  Amir you are just happiness all around you love to play run, eat bugs, jump, fall and with all of these being said you rarely cry.  I could had not be more blessed you are my last one and God gave me his angel boy.  You make me laugh and cry at the same time.  I see you and I feel sad that you would not be growing up with your dad but then I get God choose this for us and I know he had a greater reason.

You have some beautiful brown eyes that I fall in love everyday with.  I love to hold you and cuddle you although you are not much of cuddle boy....your day is with Yuyu the girls and playing outside the other day you catch a bug as big as your hand and if it was not for SAmia you were about to eat it.  

I think living in the country side is the best that has happened you.  You even enjoy cutting the grass with John, is amazing how boys love to do boy things, I know one day hanging with mami is not going to be the thing for you to do, but for now while I can enjoy you I am not wasting not even one minute of it.

I love to hear you say Mama I know I am everything for you right now and you and your sisters are everything for me now and always.

Gamila my Milo

Milo what can I say about you my sweet and sour.  You can be that sweet that I can never get enough but at times you can be that sour taste that I can not get rid of.  But with that being said you are the one that makes me giggles most of the time and make me scream and feel alive.  You are talkative, expressive and caring in your own mischievous way.  

You are so much fun, there is no dull moment with you...those lips say the darn est thing.  the other day you asked me if daddy came back would I fall in love with him again.  I was baffle but then again you are the one that in every sentence uses the word probably or Thank God...yes you use a vocabulary that not even SAmia uses.  You Spanish is also very good or maybe because you don't stop talking.  

You can be a baby or a big girl in less than a second and you can strike up a conversation with a total stranger and even show him or her your dancing moves.  Although you look very arabic you are totally hispanic your hands and shoulders move like there is no tomorrow when you talk and your eyes roll all over the place.

You love to wear bracelets and necklaces I think that your accessories weight more than you at times my Milo.

Samia

Our life has change allot in the last couple of months.  First baba left us then we file for divorce then the kids start spending time with baba at this house...wow nenes that is hard very hard, not sure if one day I could explain everything that went on but for sure there are allot of paper trail.  Who is too blame one day you guys would have a chance to hear the two sides of the story and just know.  Because even though mami and baba are not together in this journey you 3 have been my priority.

Samia you are my special girl you care so much about me and you are so sentimental, I can just see how much you suffer with this whole situation.  However nena the last couple of days you being very happy.  Today we went to  your school for a meet and greet you are so excited you will be learning to read and write soon.  I can not wait to have you read to me, I know you are going to love that.  You are growing up fast you love to look pretty and I have to add you say the funniest things.  The other day you told me I talk to God and asked him for 3 little kids and God gave me Samia, GAmila and Amir.  I just love that innocence in you.

You love to put on make up or have me paint your face you are just my little big girl, and the truth is that I love being around you.  You are so peaceful I just feel a sense of peace when you are around...your kindest also baffles me how kind and caring you are.  I thank God everyday for giving me a daughter like you my puchi.

Who is John???

What can I say he help me move, he helps me with the children, he cleans my tears, he helps me deal with this divorce that is not an easy one and he makes my children happy.

Changes

Sorry I could not keep my promise of being back but we had to move in less than a week.  In other words me myself and John had to find me a place nenes John has being our angel he has help us so much in last couple of months.  If it was not for him I don't think I could had move a whole house in a week, not much help you 3 helping me carry a lawn mower or fridge.  But like always God closes a door and opens a window.  When I come across people like John I gain strenght and realize that not everything out there is bleak there is hope and good people around.

Nenes we found ourselves a new home and the truth is that we spend allot of time with this new family that took us, not only John but also his family.  Is different for us, I guess after living for 2 years in the country I am really getting the taste of it.  I wake up looking at horses and goats.  Is funny how this city girl has taken all of these changes.

Nenas the summer is almost over we had allot of fun, we spend almost everyday with Ruby and even though many would think I was crazy babysitting another child it was easy because she was the buffer between Milo and Samia.

Amir you are an angel I am not sure what to say about you, I could not had ask for a better little man.

Back

I am back the truth is that I never left but nenes sometimes am not in the best of moods with everything that is going on and I rather not write.  Because I know if I write I will just put negative stuff and is not fair, since I know one day I will look at this and laugh and thank God for showing me the way. 

To my friends I never forget all of you that come and look at my blog some call me and some text me but the truth is that at times I don't want to talk, am tired of thinking why how when and so forth.

Nenes we are half way in the summer is being good can not complain after all you guys are with me.  Last weekend you guys went to see baba and had a good time which is what matters although nenes I miss you guys like crazy..I think I would not be able to stop seeing you guys for more than 5 days in a row, I can not lie last weekend was a tough one.

Samia you are getting so big and as you grow you become more sweet than ever, I know you understand allot of what is going on but you are afraid and at times rather don't ask, but nena like I always tell you it was not your fault and we love you too too much.

Milo you are my challenging girl but I love it I see myself so much in you, i love how you can go from being so mad to telling me I am the best mami in the whole wide world.  Milo you are also aware to some extent of what is going on but my princess Ariel like you want to be called lately is not your fault you.  The only thing you makes us feel is love for you and we love hearing your endless stories, I think I should call you Radio Mambi boy Milo can you talk up a storm.

Amir you are our lover boy, you get so much love from this three girls you love to make us laugh and dance for us.  Amir I hope you don't stop dancing you have great moves and rhythm and like we say in my country a guy that can dance has a great advantage with the girls.  Amir you love being outside without shoes just being a wild country boy.  You are not much of an eater but you love to drink juice and the last couple of weeks have gotten very tall.  Amir you remind me allot of Milo when she was your age.

Now a little bit about mami nenes, so you can see what mami is up to this days.  She has sad and happy days although every time I see the three of you and the ones around me that help me in my darkest day this is how I feel:

I feel happy that I had three beautiful children healthy, that I know I did everything I could to save my marriage that I was taking for a fool that I trust it with my eyes closed and that even after finding every hing out I was willing to give it a try so I feel happy that Abu and Abuelo made a good person out of me that even though things are very difficult between me and baba I don't hold a grudge against him that I can only pray for him and his wrong actions.  That although he paints a different picture of me deep inside him he knows how wrong he is, and nobody knows what he goes thru everyday since faces we see but hearts we can not see.

The most important things are the kids and they are getting the best of the worlds.

Water and Bikes

Well the summer is really here, lately we go to swimming classes everyday and today Samia starts her bible school camp.

Milo this is your first year in swimming and I am very happy so far with your results the truth is that your independence amazes me everyday.  You can be so outgoing and ready for action at all times, there is no such a thing as being scared for you.  In so many ways you remind me of me as a little kids.

Samia this is your second year in swimming and as always you are doing great you are even good at doing back curls is so nice to see you jump and swim back with no help. 

Amir you are my little country boy anything that is with no shoes and outside you are up for it, you actually cry when I bring you back inside.

As far as me I am making it, the truth is that everyday it gets easier, the only thing I still have a hard time is how somebody can change so much, someone that everything was haram becomes so liberal well people change and with change come surprises.  The only thing I know is that God took care and is taking care of me as I type this.

Samia you being practicing in the bike that we got you, is not easy but I know by the end of the summer you would be an expert.